Best Places to Puke in Fort Collins on St. Patrick’s Day

The following business do not condone or encourage what we're about to tell you. But, when you've drank too much, we're here to help you find the bathroom that's right for you. 

We apologize in advance to the bars on this list -- but hey, St. Patrick's Day is a day when we go too hard on green beer and other things, and you want to stick your head in the finest porcelain bowl you can find, so making this list is kind of an honor?

Here's to finding the best place in Old Town to toss your cookies, based on what you're looking to get out of the experience.

If you're looking for... 

SOLIDARITY: Lucky Joe's

Misery loves company, and Lucky Joe's is a pub so you know everyone there is going to be hammered on St. Patrick's Day. If you want to puke with other people who are puking, maybe take turns holding each other's hair, the bathroom at Lucky's is the place to be. Be sure to leave a generous tip at the bar if you do.

COMFORT AND CLASS: Social

Sorry, Social... but this will be the classiest barf of your life (if they actually let you in, that is). They have private, individual restrooms so no one will be outside the stall being judgey and impatient while listening to you heave. They're also very dimly lit, so you're in for a relaxing experience to the tune of soft jazz music playing in the background. And don't be a schmuck -- clean up after yourself.

IT CAN'T GET ANY WORSE: Oak Street Public Bathrooms

Sometimes, it has to get worse before it can get better. If you want to feel like you've hit rock bottom, go hug a public toilet seat in the public restrooms on Oak. Pros: You probably don't have to clean up after yourself. Cons: Everything else.