Your Hot Tub Rash Is Disgusting (Science Corner)

As a general rule I steer clear of public hot tubs based solely on the fact that half-naked strangers have been sitting (at best) in luke warm water. You don't get to bitch about skin discomfort after hopping out of the public hot tub. There can't possibly be a better breeding ground for germs. You may as well just lick complete strangers and cut to the chase. Gross.

Anyway, a new study by the CDC says betwixt 2009-2010, 40 percent of recreational water related disease outbreaks occurred betwixt February and March. You get hot tub rash (I'm not posting the Latin name..don't pretend you speak Latin) by getting in skeezy hot tubs and frankly you have it coming. Stop getting in skeezy hot tubs. That's, coincidentally, my creedo and I have it tramp stamped as a lasting reminder. It's a good rule of thumb to live by,

I should really end it there but I should point out, not ALL hot tubs are skeezy but if you're suffering from good time symptoms like pus-filled blisters around hair follicles you may have Hot Tub Rash, ma man. Congratulations.

Experts say to avoid pus-filled blisters, NEVER leave your house. Ever. In fact abstain from human contact of any kind if you want to be safe. They also say take a shower before you get in the hot tub but how in the hell will that help me? That just helps the next guy and, man, I have WAY too much going on to worry about that. Additionally they warn those suffering from diarrhea to stay away from public bodies of water. File that under 'Stuff You Should Never Need To Be Told'.

The best thing to do is get your own hot tub and NEVER let anyone else get in. It might get weird when your friends come over and you make them sit in lawn chairs while you enjoy the satisfying pulsation of precision jets but it's better than pus filled blisters around hair follicles and they can get their own damn hot tub.

I DID just write about that to gross you out. Gross.

Happy hot tubbing buddy.